that's an acceptable place to lick
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
