I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
