his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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