the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
