My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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