She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
