just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
