Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
