That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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