You're a womanizer and a bitch.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
