Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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