Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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