This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
