So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
