Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
