Pappa wants mamma naked
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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