I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
