She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize