it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
