I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
