Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
