She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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