The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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