what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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