I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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