well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
