I'm really into asian looking animals
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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