A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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