Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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