well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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