At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
worst night to have a conscience
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
