I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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