The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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