a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
