it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
