If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Bring me that man meat
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
