so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
