if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
