come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
