you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
