I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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