we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
