I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
