I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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