Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
