Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
