i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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