i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
