I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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