her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
