I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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