I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
