Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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