So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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