how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
