I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you would pick up someone in the library
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
