Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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